I Took A Job For The Money

Since high school life has felt like a constant sprint. How can I get that job at Panera Bread? How can I get hired at Trader Joe's? How can I get into the film industry? How can I get onto a studio lot? How can I get in the union? How can I be more successful than I was yesterday?

Now I believe this mentality is good and healthy, but only to a point. I believe you can take it too far. I believe I took took it too far.

At the start of this year I woke up and began to realize that accomplishing goals started to lack fulfillment. I was getting one job after another. A bigger job each time! Everything career wise was on the up and away, strawberries and cream ya know! (Call me Buzz Lightyear!) Yet I wasn't happy. I kept chasing what I didn't have. What I wanted, but couldn't have. That's what kept me going. It was the carrot on the end of the stick.

I caught myself when I was craigslisting for a 1985 Toyota pickup trucks while working on my 8 week job. These are pre-tacoma trucks we are talking about. I wanted one so bad! But I didn't need one. And to be honest I couldn't even convince myself of an excuse of why I needed one. But I kept reading the ads.

Around this time I started to go to therapy and read books about appreciation. I started to see that in front of my very own face my favorite artist had released two albums back to back that were packed with acknowledgement of appreciation and most importantly, I started to see that my life lacked appreciation. I started to see why I fiend for that person to be in my life, I started to see why I fiend for that pre-tacoma truck, I started to see why I fiend to be a DP instead of enjoying where I was in that moment.

I am happy to see that appreciation over the last 13+ weeks has changed my life and who I am as a 23 year old man. I am not who I was yesterday and I have no fucking idea who I will be tomorrow. But I know who I am in this moment. I know what it feels like to breath through these lungs and what it feels like to have appreciation for what I have and for exactly where I am in my life.

As summer comes to a close I feel myself coming up for air. I am only 13 weeks into this job but life is wonderful. The world looks a little more vivid than it did yesterday. My air condition feels colder than it did yesterday. Bevo's fur seems softer than it used to be and my scooter seems to slow down time to a perfect 125cc crawl. Let me be the first to tell you, I can't get enough!

Tonight I swam at a friends house while my video was uploading. Life's better than it has ever been and I'm celebrating with hands over fists of appreciation. A life filled with appreciation and lacking expectations is one I want to live. It's a life I want to work on building for myself.

I hope you enjoy Week 22, I will talk to you soon


Below are some of my favorite stills.  I had a lot of fun with the B Roll on this one!


Week 20: How I Got Into The Film Industry: Trevor

When I got introduced to the film industry I was very lost. I was going to college for a degree I didn't want, I was working at a grocery store, and my relationship with my parents was becoming worse everyday. I was struggling with thoughts of depression and I couldn't see the beauty in life.

I will forever remember meeting Trevor on a Saturday morning at Trader Joe's. I will forever remember going to Paramount Pictures with him. Taking pictures of my reflection in the fake rain puddles on the backlot!

I have been writing this video since July 28th of 2016. I was working on an Amazon show and we had a day where we shot at Paramount. After I wrapped I met up with Trevor! This was monumental because the last time I saw Trevor at Paramount, I was just a kid who he invited to come visit his set. This time I got onto the lot all by myself, I was supposed to be there!

I made this video as a reminder to myself. A reminder to remember the beauty in the ignorance that I possessed when I got into the film industry. You couldn't tell me no! You couldn't cut out my flame! I was beyond green and always excited! "Push that camera cart up that hill!" I'm in! "Push that camera through the dirt and the rain!" I'm in! You couldn't wipe the positivity and smile off my face.  But somewhere between then and now I have lost that positive attitude.  

Today I was walking to breakfast with my friend Keith Jones. We are shooting at Los Angeles Center Studios in Downtown Los Angeles. The sun was just about to come over the horizon. I felt so overcome with joy and gratitude for the life I am currently living. For the beauty I was able to see before my eyes. I couldn't dream of this happening when I was stuck in my old college classrooms.

I will never know where my life is going or who is going to change it. What relationship or person may enter my life and completely shift the way I see and interpret the world. What break up or shift at work will actually push me in the right direction when in the moment all I can think about is how bad it is all going. But what I can remember is to keep an open mind. To allow others to touch my life because there is no greater pleasure than human connection.

I hope this video helps you like it has helped me. I am beyond proud to put my name on this one. I am beyond proud to use this as a reminder to myself to treat everything like it's my first project. This is what I want "Made By Spencer" to be.

Thank you. See you next week with Part 2


Week 18: I Am Becoming A Flake

Over Christmas I found myself getting overly frustrated when someone would cancel on me or go awol. I started to write a video about it and I realized that I was being frustrated by characteristics in others that I myself exhibited in the past and specifically, in 2016.

I then thought about making a resolutions video but that didn't feel natural because I'm not one for change because it's 1/1/20XX . So I made the following video! A video expressing my current thoughts.

Watching this video is a very good example of where my mind and thoughts are right now. Thoughts about Los Angeles and the people in it.

Making this video helped me to see the fault in my life. A fault I could easily see in others but never took the time to look for in myself.


Week 16: The Formula Isn't Working

Making videos has never been this hard.  I am pushing myself to make more because I miss the feeling of creating and I am at a time of my life where much is changing that I care to document.

This is a video to hopefully jumpstart a creative fall.

Thank you for watching.