When I started writing this video in July I wrote the conclusion first. My conclusion was going to be a statement to myself and to the world that I am done being a loader.
For those of you who don't know the loader position is one of the entry level positions in the International Cinematographers Guild. You can easily stay in the loader position for your entire life but I know that is not my path. I know that I will soon become frustrated and dissatisfied with my position. At the end of the day my fulfillment comes from creating! Plain and straight forward, that is not what you do as a loader.
But as I started to write this video I began to see how negative my thoughts were, how bad my attitude had become. I was over being a loader even though I had just become a loader. I hadn't taken the time to be grateful that I had this job in the first place! All I was thinking about was what was next, how could I get to the next level! How could I become a Director of Photography?!
As I began to write more the writing turned to Jimmy and Trevor, two people who have been monumental in holding my hand through this career choice. Without them I would still be at Trader Joe's in San Dimas. Without them I would be very much lost in my life, even if I had found my way into Hollywood.
Jimmy and Trevor have taught me that many things but the most important thing that I have learned from them is that your family and your relationships matter so much more than your career successes and aspirations.
Over the last couple months I have been realizing that there is so much more to life than "Hollywood". That this life is fantasized and flexed on when it reality it is a lonely place where people die of encouragement and others beat you down.
Seeing two people who genuinely care not only about their work on set but also about their family and are willing to make career choices and often times sacrifices for their family is a rarity in this industry. We work 60-70 hours a week in the film industry and let me tell you is it not easy to nurture relationships when that is your week every week. But seeing these men do it is more of an inspiration that I can write in these words. These are two good men, two bona fide men and I feel so blessed to have them in my life. I meet people everyday who are much more successful than them, who have more accolades than them. But it is a rarity that I meet someone who has more love in their life than Jimmy and Trevor.
So instead of these videos becoming a manifesto to the end of my loading career they have become a celebration of the success I have gained thanks to the people who have helped me. And more importantly a celebration of the relationships that I am been so blessed to wake up to and be apart of.
I've decided to take the time and smell the roses as a loader. There will always be time to push my career, whether that's next week or next year. Right now what matters is putting in the time to foster and nurture the wonderful relationships that I currently have the pleasure of being apart of. Because human relationships and human connection is the source of real happiness. And the only limit on that happiness is how much effort I am willing to put into them.
With much love,
For all those interested, here's the OG email I sent Jimmy in 2014!